


First and Last

by gayforthewindyboy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Complete, I'm so sorry, M/M, Sadstuck, Suicide, no i'm not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-04
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-29 15:14:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5132279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayforthewindyboy/pseuds/gayforthewindyboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you're going to kill yourself, you might as well make your last conversation with the stranger who's there to do the same thing, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	First and Last

The moonlight danced on top of the waves of the water below. The wind blew the blonde strands of hair away from the boy's face. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, thinking of what was going to go down. He mentally went through a checklist; he wanted to be sure everything was in order before he decided to jump over the edge.

Letters? Written and place in a spot where they'd be easily found.

Will? Written out and things divided evenly among his brothers and friends.

House? Incredibly clean, all his things packed up nice and neat.

He didn't think he needed anything else, so he got ready to pull himself on to the ledge. He gripped the sides and hefted himself up, his legs dangling several inches above the ground.

"Guess I'm not the only one up here." A voice coming from behind startled Dave and he dropped back down to the ground. He turned around to tell the stranger to fuck the fuck off, but paused when he laid eyes on him. He was gorgeous. Dark brown hair that was a mess, but the guy made it look good. He was tall, but not as tall as Dave who stood at 6'1. His unnaturally blue eyes seemed to glow behind the black frames of the glasses. A plain blue t-shirt hugged his body quite nicely, and his jeans were tight on his legs. The guy cleared his throat and Dave's cheeks heated up a little, realising that he got caught checking him out. "M'names John, by the way." John held out his hand for Dave to shake.

"... Dave," he said, his voice low. He took John's hand in his own and gave it a firm shake before letting it go, his own arm falling back to his side. "Yeah, you aren't the only one here tonight. But, if you aren't here to leap over the edge as if you're bungee jumping, then we aren't here for the same thing."

"What a coincidence," John stepped forward and leaned against the wall. Dave turned back around and faced the open water again, sighing. "Well, I mean. Since we're both here to do it, why don't we talk about it?"

"Why are you saying 'it'? If you can't say the actual words of 'here to kill ourselves', then you probably aren't wanting to kill yourself enough to actually go through with it."

John snorted and shook his head. "Trust me, I'm more than ready to kill myself." Dave didn't say anything in return. He pushed his shades up with one hand and pat John's back. "Would you mind if I asked why you're here?" John's voice was meek and small, as if he was expecting Dave to blow up on him for asking such a personal question.

"Sure," Dave shrugged. "I've been depressed for years now. It started when I was 11, and I'm now 19. It hasn't gotten better. If anything, it's gotten worse. My oldest brother was murdered. My other brother is too focused on his damn robots to give a shit about me. I really hate myself," Dave gave a short laugh. "Like, despise myself so much."

"Why?"

"I'm a shit person, John. You're lucky enough that you didn't know me before now."

"How?" John's voice sunded confused. Dave refused to look at him while he was talking, though. "You don't seem like a shit person. You seem like a very sarcastic and maybe rude person, but not a shit person."

"Rude?" Dave's eyebrow quirked above his shades. "How would you know I was rude?"

"Just the.. uh.. aura you.. give off?" John squeaked. "Sorry! I didn't mean it in a rude way and if it came off that way I'm so sorry."

"Chill, dude. You're fine." Dave smiled slightly. "Yeah, I'm rude, an asshole, and a complete dick. It's who I am, don't worry about it. Anyway, back to what I was saying. I used to hurt myself in any way that I could. Burning, cutting, punching, refusing to let myself eat, and all of that shit." He paused to look over at John. "I don't do it anymore," he rushed out, noticing John's concerned face. "I haven't for a few years now, so it's okay."

"Okay, good." John smiled, showing off his buck tooth grin that Dave was sure he could fall in love with if they both were planning to take their own lives tonight.

"Yeah... There's a lot more, but it doesn't matter since I'll be gone by morning. Why are you here?"

"I'm super stressed. I work a minimum wage job, trying to pay my way through college. My dad died, so I'm on my own. I don't have any other family, I'm falling behind in college, and I'm going nowhere in life. I wanted to be a biologist, but now I don't know what I want to be. Well, I do know. Dead, haha, but yeah.. Things have been getting ridiculously hard for me and I'm over it. Sometimes, life isn't for everyone, you know?"

"Yeah," Dave agreed. "Sometimes, some people are only meant to be here for a short period of time. They aren't meant to last as long as everyone else."

"Exactly! Maybe our reason to be here was to help someone out. Like, my friend Jade. I helped her figure some things out and now she's off exploring the world and doing who knows what. I think that was what I was supposed to do. I don't think I have a reason to be here anymore."

"I understand, although I haven't helped anyone at all during the years I've been alive. I guess I was just a mistake in every sense," Dave shrugged. "Well, mistakes need to be erased, so here I am."

"I guess so," John mumbled, playing with the bottom of his shirt.

Dave smiled fondly at him. "You know, you're pretty cute." Dave revelled in the way John's cheeks heated up and turned a dark shade of pink.

"I-I mean, I guess so? I've uh.. Never really thought of myself... as cute uh.. before.."

"Really?"

"No, no one's really liked me so I thought I was ugly," John laughed nervously, avoiding Dave's gaze.

"Have you had your first kiss yet?"

"I uh.. yeah uhm.. No, I haven't," he  seemed to shrink down.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna make fun of you for it," Dave ruffled the shorter boy's hair. "C'mon, before we off ourselves, might as well have a final meal, right? We'll go to the small diner not too far from here. I'll pay, I forgot to put my wallet with my other shit out of habit."

John followed Dave in silence. The wind blew around them and the stars shined brightly. The streets were empty, most of the stores were dark, and the houses only had a couple lights on. Dave shoved his hands deep into his pocket and shivered, still not used to the cold. He was a Texan at heart, the cold was one thing that always rendered him useless. They stopped at a red light and waited for it to turn. "So, you're completely positive you want to die?" Dave inquired, glancing up at the light to make sure it didn't turn green on them. The streets may have been empty, but he wanted to follow the laws, oddly enough. He never followed them before that night.

"Positive," John gave a nod, as if he was underlining his response. Dave hummed so he didn't just leave John hanging for a response. The light turned green and the two boys crossed the street. Dave opened the diner door and let John walk through before walking inside himself. They chose a table back in the corner , and waited for a waiter or waitress to give them menus. The boys made mindless chatter while waiting, mainly about how school was and shitty things that had happened to them during it.

"I was bullied every day in high school for being gay," Dave admitted. "I was super popular before I came out. Once I came out, I got dropped to the lowest of the low. That's probably because I lived in Texas and they aren't the most accepting people, but still. I got shit shoved out of my hands, shoved into lockers, locked in the locker room, and I even had my shades broken once or twice. That one didn't fly, I beat their asses."

"So, you fight them over your shades, but not anything else?"

"I really didn't care, to be honest. But the shades are something that I actually need. If they saw my eyes, they'd probably burn me at a stake or some shit, like I was a witch in Salem during the Salem Witch Trials of 1662."

"92."

"What?"

"The Salem Witch Trials started in February of 1692 and ended in May 1693."

"Wow, look at you go, nerd," Dave teased.

"Oh shush," John huffed. The boys fell quiet as the waitress walked up.

"Hello! Welcome to Lil' Pals Cafe. Here are your menu's and two glasses of water. Do you need some time to figure out what you want, or do you guys already know? Oh! Can I get you something else to drink?"

"Apple juice," Dave said instantly.

John looked amused as he told the waitress his order. "Hot cocoa." She left to grab their drinks and the boys went back to conversing.

"Apple Juice? Really?"

"It's the nectar of the Gods, Johnathan."

"I think you're just a child in a 19 year old's body,  _David_." Dave wrinkled his nose when John called him David and John laughed. "You're pretty cute too, by the way. Oh right, what's wrong with your eyes?"

"They're fucking weird, bro. They're not normal and they freak people the fuck out."

"Let me see. I mean, we're gonna die tonight anyway, so what's the harm?"

Dave agreed and slowly took off his shades. He look John in the eyes and fought the urge to shut his eyes tightly. The lighting hurt them, but it wasn't something he couldn't handle. John reached over and caressed Dave's cheek slightly, awestruck by the crimson eyes staring back at him. Dave shivered then stayed completely still, enjoying the moments their skin was touching like this. He was scared of what John would say, but from the expression on John's face, it wasn't going to be bad. "They're... Gorgeous," he breathed out. He quickly realised what he was doing and retracted his hand, sitting back down fully and blushing. "S-Sorry, I don't know what came over me."

"Don't worry," Dave murmured, his voice soft. "I didn't mind it." Dave coughed a little, feeling incredibly awkward. The waitress returned with their drinks and set them before the boys.

"You guys ready to order?"

A moment passed and the boys said nothing, each just still staring into each other's eyes. "I'll have a chicken wrap," Dave spoke up, tearing his gaze away from John to look at the waitress. "Ranch on the side."

"And you?" She nodded and John.

"I'll have a Caesar salad, dressing on the side."

The boys didn't speak while waiting for their food, and they ate their food in silence as well. Once the waitress cleared away the plate and Dave paid, the boys exited the cute little diner and made their way back towards the bridge. "Can I hold your hand..?" John asked. "I'm a little scared... Not of dying, of what comes after." Dave felt his heart speed up a bit at the thought of holding hands, and he nodded. He felt like a schoolgirl or some shit. John took his hand and laced their fingers together, and walked closer to Dave than before. "What do you think comes after this..?"

"Me? I don't really believe in the whole heaven and hell thing. Like, they might be there, but I don't think our souls go there. I think that they just... Disappear. No rebirths or reincarnations, none of that. When we die, our souls cease to exist. At least, I hope so. I don't want to have to go through another life, this one was more than enough for me."

"I like to believe in the afterlife..." John began. "There's something better waiting for us that no one can imagine. A place where all souls go after their human vessels die, and we live in peace. Those who want life again can get it, and those who don't are completely fine to stay as they are. That'd be nice.."

"Do you want another life after this?" Dave asked, rubbing his thumb lightly over John's thumb knuckle absentmindedly.

"I don't know, maybe? Not right away, I don't think. Maybe after a long while, I'll get bored and want to experience life again or something," he shrugged. They both stopped when they reached the middle of the bridge. Neither of them said anything, but both of teir hands gripped the other a little tighter.

"Are you scared?" John whispered, looking up at the blonde.

"A little," he admitted, using his free hand to push his shades up. "But hey, I'm not dying alone tonight, so it won't be that bad. Are you ready?"

"Yeah, just.. Let me empty my pockets and stuff." John pulled out some cash, an ID, and phone. He set his glasses down and the little pile he made and nodded at Dave. "You ready?"

Dave put down his wallet and shades right next to John's stuff, and nodded. "I'm ready."

The two of them climbed up on the ledge and looked at each other. Dave took the smaller boys hands in his own looking into his eyes, as if looking for his soul. "You believe in the afterlife, and I guess maybe I do, too. I hoped there isn't one, but the time I spent with you tonight made me want to spend more time with you," he let out a short laugh, "it's a shame we both don't want another day to live." John's cheeks were scarlet, and his big, goofy smile appeared on his face. Dave smiled, a genuine smile, and leaned over, pressing his lips softly to John's. He let his lips linger there for a few moments longer than necessary before pulling away.

"W-What was that for?" Dave didn't think John could blush any harder than he was right now.

"Everyone should have their first kiss before they die." Dave turned to face the water, and John did the same.

Neither of them let go of the other's hands. "Are you sure you're ready? There's no going back after this, John," Dave murmured softly. "If you aren't completely sure, back out now. You could still have a great life if you wanted it."

"I'm ready," he said quietly.

The boys look at each other once more before falling forward, their arms outstretched and their hands still clasped together.

As Dave fell, he wished that the afterlife was real, so he had more time with the wonderful stranger he met that night.


End file.
